Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
