your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
