Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
