yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
