Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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