brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to walk on stilts...naked
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
