i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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