The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
A bitchslap is in order.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
