Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
