drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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