So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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