Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
