so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
