I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
