We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
