What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
