I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
should my penis look like a turkey
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
