Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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