You made me cry and you don't even care
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
