She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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