kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
