I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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