Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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