She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
