took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
