Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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