He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
as a side note pls kill me
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