I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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