Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
