my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
