I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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