I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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