Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
