I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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