Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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