Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
