She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I believe in your delicious
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
