When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
