where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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