You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
