just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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