I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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