I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
