absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
