Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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