ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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