Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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