I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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