Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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