the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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