I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize