That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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