he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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