I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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