i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
