Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
