I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
