That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
