So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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