"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Jerry, you need to find god
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
