my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
