This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
