remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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