U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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